Just tried going to sleep. Can't turn off my thoughts...again...So as my thoughts were running through my head i stopped to ponder a few key notes. I want to go back to school. After being in Fl with Nc residency, a whole year has been utterly flushed down the toilet as i will have to spend another year doing the same ole' thing to be able to qualify for government aid. And that sucks! Another thought was how i never go out anymore! I need to find the root of this problem; why i'm socially inept, scared of the "scene," why i feel i can't flirt, why i have become so shy...This is a problem i have never really conquered & being that i'm past my early & now mid 20's I'd say it's about time i get the fuck over this. Boys terrify me! I used to go to the bars and come onto any guy i thought was worth it! Wth happened to that Erika?!. Now i'm afraid to flirt with guys that i see on a daily basis - i don't get it! Do i have low self-esteem? Do i have an age complex? I feel like i should just grab one of them and kiss them, sometimes! Just to see if i still have anything remotely carefree inside my existence besides my will to complain. Maybe that's it. Maybe i need a job change like everyone else is slowly beginning to realize.. Maybe i'm surrounded by the wrong people. It's not like i have a shit ton of people to hang with outside of work, which is also why i want to go to school. Not just for the sake of bettering myself mentally, but to branch out socially as well. Because man, i am just gonna live inside this cave of mine forever if i don't! I am dying. Like, i have been killing myself for the last 10 years because i am scared of life! I really need to grow up.
I have lost all the hopes and dreams i had as a child. The things i longed for even 5 years ago seem out of reach. I know they are not. But the more time i put school off, the more those dreams seem to fade.
I've never thought of stripping but i always considered waitressing the next step down, seeing as how physicality seems to have a lot to do with how the American public tips the serving kind. And as i was watching an episode of Californication tonight, where Hank tells his stripper-student-casual sex partner basically that your body can only get you so far in life with a job, i started to realize that i can't do what i do forever. I can not be a Chili's to go girl forever! I mean, Greg has been telling me for weeks &/or months now that i should get a different job & it's true but I haven't really thought about it seriously until now..
I really don't know which direction to go still, outside of getting a different job & going back to school. When i went to AB Tech in 07 i was trying for a Web Technologies major..which i'm not so sure i want to continue. I always wanted to do creative things on computers but i never did them on my own so i thought i would go to school & learn. I feel i don't have the patience for that anymore. I feel I could still do good things with computers, i just don't think that i'm creative enough to do art with them. I never draw, even freehand. I just want things to come so easily to me. And that's not a good outlook to have. I'm sure if i was given a list of things i could figure out what i could be interested in enough to go to school for them as a career. I just know that i do not want to be a To Go girl the rest of my life.
I also know that i have become soft working at Chili's. I don't feel like i really work. That's why i always try to do other things at the job like running dish or re-filling the chips. Because actually there, i'm lifting heavy objects & feel like i'm helping the team. I think i need a job where i'm fulfilling needs like that. I will not say that i want to go back to retail, but maybe something else. something similar. who knows until i go out and see what's available?
I do like to clean. I think i may start there..
Irk out-
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
06/26/2010
this woman called & wanted to know if her online order had gone thru & i said i didn't know anything about an online order b/c i was in the kitchen at the time and there wasn't any on the screens. so i put her on hold and went to the front. i wasn't fast enough to figure out that i could just go into the online que thing & view the order (b/c i am brain dead in high-stress situations)
& so i just started getting her info like a regular to go order and when she was telling me her phone number the wind just started creating static in the phone and i told her her window was causing me to no be able to hear her, so she got mad at me & repeated her # with attitude and i said "wow" & put it in and she said "are you getting an attitude?" & i said, "No ma'am i couldn't hear you over the wind noise" & she said "i'm already on my way there so i'll make the order in person. i don't want you to fuck up my food!"
THIS IS THE 2ND TIME IN A WEEKS TIME THAT THE SAME SITUATION HAS HAPPENED WHERE WIND CREATED STATIC IN THE PHONE AND THE PERSON ORDERING GOT ATTITUDE WITH ME & ACCUSED ME OF HAVING THE ATTITUDE!!!!!!!!!!!
when she got there, she went to the bar (& had a margarita) & i gave the order to the bartender b/c i wasn't gonna deal with her shit so all was fine til i was at the host stand talking & the woman comes up to me and asked me if i was the person she spoke to on the phone and i said yes and started feeling hot b/c i just knew i was gonna get yelled at even more. well she ended up apologizing and telling me that someone cut her off as she was getting upset at me & took it out on me by mistake. She didn't want to let what happened make me have a bad day.
on top of that, when i told my manager that i had just been cussed at by a customer on the phone, he did not have my back at all and said that since it's happened twice now that it must be my fault.
i was PISSED. i then told my store manager what had happened and she showed me what to do on the computer and also told me to get a manager involved while the person is on the phone but i know that the person on the phone can just as easily hang up on a manager as they can on me. so, that really does little help.
You just can't make people happy all the time. & 'for once' it wasn't my fault!
& so i just started getting her info like a regular to go order and when she was telling me her phone number the wind just started creating static in the phone and i told her her window was causing me to no be able to hear her, so she got mad at me & repeated her # with attitude and i said "wow" & put it in and she said "are you getting an attitude?" & i said, "No ma'am i couldn't hear you over the wind noise" & she said "i'm already on my way there so i'll make the order in person. i don't want you to fuck up my food!"
THIS IS THE 2ND TIME IN A WEEKS TIME THAT THE SAME SITUATION HAS HAPPENED WHERE WIND CREATED STATIC IN THE PHONE AND THE PERSON ORDERING GOT ATTITUDE WITH ME & ACCUSED ME OF HAVING THE ATTITUDE!!!!!!!!!!!
when she got there, she went to the bar (& had a margarita) & i gave the order to the bartender b/c i wasn't gonna deal with her shit so all was fine til i was at the host stand talking & the woman comes up to me and asked me if i was the person she spoke to on the phone and i said yes and started feeling hot b/c i just knew i was gonna get yelled at even more. well she ended up apologizing and telling me that someone cut her off as she was getting upset at me & took it out on me by mistake. She didn't want to let what happened make me have a bad day.
on top of that, when i told my manager that i had just been cussed at by a customer on the phone, he did not have my back at all and said that since it's happened twice now that it must be my fault.
i was PISSED. i then told my store manager what had happened and she showed me what to do on the computer and also told me to get a manager involved while the person is on the phone but i know that the person on the phone can just as easily hang up on a manager as they can on me. so, that really does little help.
You just can't make people happy all the time. & 'for once' it wasn't my fault!
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