4-27-2010

me, mel, jason and ayana were all hanging out. already ate a nice pizza & garlic bread dinner. ya was watching a pony movie and i had been sitting with her while j and mel were talking in the kitchen. i went to the kitchen to get something and i overheard ya shout WHAT THE HELL? and i said WHAT DID YOU SAY AYANA? & she started giggling and saying NOTHING!! so i knew she was lying and i told jason she shouldn't say that, and what she said b/c he was on the porch & didn't hear. well i kept telling mel that she was spoiled and never gets in trouble and she was agreeing with me & jason went to talk to her and ayana evidently hit jason with his wooden hairbrush. i don't know how hard or where but it made him upset and he told her to stay in her room and no more movie and she started crying. he left her in there and came out to where mel and i were on the porch and tried making me the bad guy - I HOPE YOU"RE HAPPY he said and i said NO I"M NOT HAPPY BUT SHE SHOULDN"T BE SAYING THOSE THINGS YOU KNOW - i didn't take it personally nor was i upset for him acting that way - b/c i know it pains him to punish her. i talked him through it, saying KIDS ARE BAD SOMETIMES - IT"S JUST A FACT OF LIFE. SHE LIED ABOUT DOING SOMETHING AND SHE GOT PUNISHED! then he told me she hit him & i said SEE! EVEN BETTER! he soon got over being a bump on a log for punishing her and i told him i'd take care of her - just give her some time. i told him to go hang out with mellissa & let her cry it out & i'd go in to see her in a minute. so he did, and i went in there when i felt ready and i sat beside her & just sat there watching her & all she kept repeating was MOMMY MOM MOMMMMMMMMMMY MAMA & different variations of the word MOTHER. so i inched myself closer to her, not saying a word, and just made my presence known. she didn't get better or worse. then i picked her up in my arms slightly cradling her & just looked at her. she didn't do anything but lay there & continue saying MAMA, etc. there were no more tears, so i knew she was about done & just doing it for attention so i put my finger at her lips, making her words funny & sound all slurred like i was playing guitar with her lips & she slowly stopped saying anything and was kinda quiet. we sat there a minute and she hugged me & we were just .. there. ya know? and i asked her questions like CAN YOU TALK? WHY ARE YOU IN HERE CRYING? WHAT"S UP? ARE YOU ALIVE ? ARE YOU OK? etc. and she didn't say anything or make any body language so i just sat there waiting. she eventually started to nod in answer to my questions. always nod-answering YES & NO at the same time. haha. i eventually got her to SAY her answers & i told her that she was saying NO NO WORDS & that's why she got time out in her room & no movie & to top it all off SHE HIT DADDY. i explained to her that WE DON"T HIT YOU. NOR DO YOU HIT MOMMY, BEN, ME, MELLISSA, & then named off her siblings.
and directly after that being said i asked her if she'd like to go outside and she said yes so we went outside - immediately bumping into mel & jason & she was reluctant to even LOOK at daddy but he crouched down to her level & pulled her to him and hugged her!! :D
i gave him a thumbs up & i knew things were cool!!

HOORAY FOR PUNISHMENTS!!!! & REUNITING!!!!

and i was apart of it all. now she and jason are out in the garden having Super happy garden fun time!!! :)

Hi. So, i've been thinking about getting my own place lately. i finally got trained for serving last night @ work. i still have a bit to work on, but that'll be a nice challenge for now.
Just a few weeks ago i took a drive up to NC to visit my dad & see a few friends. Not everything worked out, which was disappointing - considering the 10hr drive, but that's how life goes sometimes. I really like dad's new dog he's giving me; Petey. He's a sweetheart American bulldog mix. I really want to have him here if i choose to stay. I hate not knowing what's going on with my life. I'm not doing anything useful. I'm working, but not as much as i could be @ my age - which is disallowing me to save money. I should be working my ass off, saving up for a car, a place, or retirement. *shakes head* I just don't know what's keeping me here in FL. Family? Friends? Job? i have those same 3 things in NC - in different numbers but still, i have them. I think i need to make some sacrifices. I think it's time to move back to NC & figure out there what i want in my life. I've kept everything in NC so far, i don't understand why it's taking me forever to decide what to do!
Let's pray i keep this attitude up so i don't waste anymore of my precious time...